Pride effects relationships only in a negative way. It keeps us from getting along and holds us back from what could be a very loving and wonderful relationship. When we let pride control us we become selfish beings who are set in their ways, unwilling to change or adjust. We refuse advice and victimize ourselves. Think about these aspects within a marriage. Do you think that would go over well? Not at all.
Many people today consider pride as feeling pleasure or satisfaction of their achievements, but in the scriptures, pride is when you become stubborn in your ways and place enmity between yourself and God.
President Ezra Taft Benson once said:"Pride is a very misunderstood sin, and many are sinning in ignorance. In the scriptures there is no such thing as righteous pride- it is always considered a sin. Therefore, no matter how the world uses the term, we must understand how God uses the term so we can understand the language of holy writ and profit thereby."
So what do we need to replace pride with? Humility. Let your spouse influence you and don't resist them. Accept them rather than try to change them and avoid competition ( who owes who favors, who wins the arguments, etc.). In his book The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work, John M. Gottman gives a couple of activities to encourage and practice yielding for your spouse. One was focusing more on how to take a situation where your spouse is upset at you and turn it into a "you're right, let's try to figure this out" end that would help bring the couple closer to together. The second activity is a scenario where you and your spouse end up shipwrecked and on a deserted tropical island. There is a list given of items out of which you and your spouse each write 10 of what you personally think are the most important items to keep for that situation. You then have to share your top 10 with each other and out of those must pick 10 together. This is good problem-solving practice as well as a good opportunity to be humble and not try to force your opinions on each other. After everything's been chosen and agreed upon, there is a questionnaire for the couple to take to see how they handled the activity and if they let themselves be influenced by each other and if you got along while doing that or sulked.
All of us at one time or another find ourselves being prideful against our spouse, it's natural. However, it's harmful and so we must do our best to get rid of it. Because there are so many ways to be prideful, I will give a few things to work on avoiding the next week in any relationship (marriage, family, friends).
- Defensiveness: When my husband or I confront each other of something we did wrong, or forgot to do, we both end up defending our actions. Instead, we should be apologizing, recognizing what we slipped up on, and discuss it/work on it. Take the humble way out!
- Stubbornness/Unwillingness to change: In arguments, when John questions me about why I did something a certain way, even though I realize it was silly, I defend my actions and say that it's how I do things. I should have recognized aloud that it was silly and from then on, would do what makes sense.
- Selfishness/Only thinking of your needs: Sometimes we focus on what we want and how we feel and tune out the others needs/wants/feelings when we argue. We should really be putting each other first in everything.
- Unwillingness to learn from spouse: Going along with unwilling to change, in those discussions when I learn of something I do wrong or weird, sometimes I fight it and refuse to take anything from that discussion. I should have let myself be influenced by him and realize it's ok to be corrected since I'm not perfect and I realized after he pointed it out that I was doing it weird/wrong anyways so I should accept it and learn from it.
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