Cherishing Your Spouse

Replacing the negative thoughts with the positive is vital in keeping your marriage alive.  When we let the negativity overpower the positives, we start closing our minds to our joy and appreciation of our spouse.  Sometimes, going back and remembering what first sparked your relationship is a great way to jog your memory.  The best thing might be to just list all the positive qualities of your spouse, how they are helpful, and what you like about them.

A marriage is made up of two people who have problems that will likely be recurring ones, and if we just accept and become aware of that, we'd be able to handle those moments with more patience.  It's a given that we'll have plenty of times where our spouse can get irritating, and if we let it get to us, our view of them starts to become more negative.  There were a few activities listed in Gottman's book "the Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work" that are encouraged to not only remember the positives, but also build a "Love Map" which is basically making room cognitively for your spouse.  Do you really know your spouse?  What's their dream, their philosophy, their friends, likes and dislikes?  Gottman's activities encourage getting to know each other and building those Love Maps for your spouse.
As I read the activities, more like the questionnaires to see if my husband and I have a Love Map for each other, I found that we do indeed, and it's because we converse and update each other daily.  Sometimes our questions are prompted by something we see or read and sometimes we just genuinely want to check up on each other.  My husband always asks me how I slept the night before.  I always ask John how his classes and exams are.  He always asks what my daughter and I did each day.  It starts simple and can grow to become more intimate and serious depending on how involved you both are in the conversation and what you want to know about each other.
A husband and wife are supposed to cling unto each other as stated in the scriptures.  God encourages a closeness in marriage, and getting to know each other and focusing on each others positive attributes will help to achieve that.  My goal is to continue my updating with my husband and to always remember how wonderful he is.